I recently taught a class for parents on how to have "the talk" with your child.  I have children of my own, but they are not nearly at the age where I would have to be faced with having such a "talk."  That being said, the more I began to ponder the class in my preparation the more I found great value for my own future conversations with my children.  As I considered what needed to be taught I realized that many of the parents would be coming looking for a list of action steps and how to's, and perhaps for good reasons but also perhaps out of fear.  Fear of the kind of choices their child could potentially make.  This fear would perhaps lead to the need for answers that would give them tangible things to do to guarantee that their children would not make bad choices.  Other parents would perhaps be coming in reaction to choices they know (or suspect) their children have already made.  This fear would perhaps lead to a need for action steps and how to's as well, but for the purpose of fixing (no pun intended) their child.  However, perhaps the greatest fear in relation to this topic and discussion with their child was related to their own story.  Perhaps they have a great deal of shame about their sexual history and have spent most of their adult life trying to repress or hide the truth of their sexual history.  Thus, having a conversation with their child about such things when they feel like a failure is scary, and the potential of being asked a question that exposes what they have spent so much time trying to hide is even scarier.   So, getting a list of action steps may provide a sense of control over the conversation and allow them to remain focused on their child without reflecting on what is going on in their own heart in regards to this issue. 

There was certainly much to teach by way of how to's and practical helps for talking with your child about sexuality.  However, the more I prepared for the class and considered what was at stake in a discussion like this the more and more I became interested in things other the actual event of having "the talk."  I began to realize that this issue, while fraught with much fear, was an incredible opportunity for these parents (and would be for me as well).  If seen as such, it could open them to much in their own lives and provide a great opportunity for reflection of their own story with the Lord.  In fact, the avoidance of such conversations with our child and the fear that is involved is perhaps a defense from truly reflecting upon ones own sexual history.  I realized that each individual (parent) entering that room had a story.  A story of sexual promiscuity, abuse, abstinence, unwanted pregnancy, etc.  Preparing for "the talk" was a great opportunity for these people to come out of hiding & not live in shame.  It was an opportunity to open honestly to their sexual history in light of God's love for them.  To find healing in sharing with God their regrets, pains, fears, heartaches, etc. that are connected with this topic. 

In fact, in many ways embracing such reflection of ones own story in prayer with God would be a huge benefit in guiding ones child into wise/godly choices in regards to their own sexuality.  It seemed to me like this would be the most appropriate place for parents to start in fact-with themselves.  Before moving to action steps and practical advice (which was certainly still needed) in regards to "the talk" these parents needed to process through their own story with the Lord.  Do you think this is true?  Why do you think this is? What value is their in self-reflection prior to teaching or instructing in general?  What would this mean for all areas of parenting?  If you are a parent what has your experience been in this?  Thoughts?