Just opened a daily email reflection from Henri Nouwen, sharing on 1 Corinthians 15 and how if the resurrection wasn’t a reality, Jesus is a waste of our time. Restoration, in other words, is a waste of our belief. If the words of God are true, though, it is always His will to restore all things, even in things and scenes and circumstances we cannot understand. It is always in His will to make new, writing restoration into every waking moment of our existence. But I don’t believe this right now. Heartbreak and pain seem far more tangible.

Talked with a friend who’s serving in a remote village with a lifespan of approximately sixteen. Then passed a homeless child and his mother looking cold and fatigued on run-down street-corner. Then thought of the webs of pain, confusion and hurt clinging to family and friends this hour. Then tuned-out, finding more comfort in my overcast window and steam brewing from my tea, than attempting to understand God.

At some point I started emptying my mind onto paper. Unleashed a few phrases, and then seemingly without conscious doing, watched ink stain itself onto the page in the shape of the word “restoration.” My eyes welled-up, unable to connect with such a characteristic of God. Why this word, Lord? I don’t know what it means. I don’t know how it correlates with me, or You, or us this hour.” I don’t know how to believe this aspect of Your Being. Wrote and rewrote the word...until two pages of loose-leaf found themselves covered with questions, anger, desire to believe, but recognition of my disbelief toward this fierce, eleven-letter word.

Turned to a bit of word searching in the Scriptures, finding “restore” to turn-up 126 times. Apparently it’s of great matter to God.

It seems that God’s ideas and styles of restoration are different than mine. Whereas I like to start with good and try and make it better, He likes to start with nothing and make it whole. He likes to breathe life into vacancy, and Love into the damaged soul, creating anew, cooperating with our new creation, causing our hearts to be whole.

                                                Restore us to You, O LORD, that we may be restored… Lamentations 5.21
                                      Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit. Psalm 51.12