Friday, March 19

Spiritual Life

I Asked the Lord

Posted by Abbie Smith | Comments (0) |

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.

’Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request;
And by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?
“’Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith.

These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st find thy all in Me.”

-John Newton

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Reality

Posted by Abbie Smith | Comments (0) |

Sometimes I wonder how Falling felt? Like in the Garden…like when Eve consciously chose what she’d been told not to…by God*? What did it sound like, or look like? Did her appearance changed when death was born? Did Adam scream at his lover’s choice, or maybe Creation screamed? Maybe everything went silent? Maybe prior to the picking, life all organic and orgasmic and wholly real?

It may be too simplistic to say anything of God is real, and anything not of God is unreal (or sin). But I think it’s at least fair to say “reality” is quintessential to the Garden of Eden. Whereas “unreality” is the alluring trigger that launches our fictitious quests. It bequeaths our palates to satisfactions other than God, meaning just God no longer satisfies our plates**. And enhancements by the forbidden make me feel most like my Maker***. Because of the Fall, what’s actually real feels farfetched. And what’s actually an illusion seems a worthwhile reality. Especially for we churchy folks, delusional states often feel more preferable to that which is true.

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Fearing Emptyness

Posted by Abbie Smith | Comments (2) |

We are afraid of emptiness. Spinoza speaks about our "horror vacui," our horrendous fear of vacancy. We like to occupy-fill up-every empty time and space. We want to be occupied. And if we are not occupied we easily become preoccupied; that is, we fill the empty spaces before we have even reached them. We fill them with our worries, saying, "But what if ..."

It is very hard to allow emptiness to exist in our lives. Emptiness requires a willingness not to be in control, a willingness to let something new and unexpected happen. It requires trust, surrender, and openness to guidance. God wants to dwell in our emptiness. But as long as we are afraid of God and God's actions in our lives, it is unlikely that we will offer our emptiness to God. Let's pray that we can let go of our fear of God and embrace God as the source of all love.

-Henri Nouwen 

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Friday, March 5, 2010 at 3:48 pm

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My Time

Posted by Jamin Goggin | Comments (1) |

I have found that time is quite an interesting thing in my life.  I may be wrong, but I have come to realize that it perhaps is the thing which I most pridefully attempt to possess.

"It is the unexpected visitor (when he looked forward to a quiet evening), or the friend's talkative wife (turning up when he looked forward to a tete-a-tete with the friend), that throw him out of grear.  Now he is not yet so uncharitable or slothful that these small demands on his courtesy are in themselves too much for it.  They anger him because he regards his time a his own and feels that it is being stolen.  You must therefore zealously guard in his mind the curious assumption 'My time is my own.'  Let him have the feeling that he starts each day as the lawful possessor of twenty-four hours."-C.S. Lewis, the ScrewTape Letters.

We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interuppted by God."-Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together.

Who is the Lord of your time?

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Saturday, March 6, 2010 at 6:28 pm

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On Lent and Hard Times: For Those Who Walk Among Noise

Posted by Cate MacDonald | Comments (1) |

Where shall the word be found, where will the word

Resound? Not here, there is not enough silence

Not on the sea or on the islands, not

On the mainland, in the desert or the rain land,

For those who walk in darkness

Both in the day time and in the night time

The right time and the right place are not here

No place of grace for those who avoid the face

No time to rejoice for those who walk among noise and deny the voice.

After service at our parish, a friend and I read T.S. Elliot’s Ash Wednesday. Though the entire poem is worth much time and thought, this particular stanza leapt at me. For those who walk among noise. Well, that’s me. That’s us.

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Wednesday, February 24, 2010 at 9:46 pm

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Laying Down our Masks

Posted by Abbie Smith | Comments (0) |

My greatest war is the war against my own heart. I don’t lie because I want to; I lie because I’m not accustomed to spaces I can trust. I don’t cheat because I dislike my current state; I cheat because I dislike myself. I don’t steal because I need something; I steal because I don’t know what I have. I don’t kill because I hate them; I kill because I hate me. I like to be polished on the outside and lend no hint of needing help. On the rare occasions of one too many Merlots, or a trustworthy late-night chat, you might barrow my flimsy walls. And once there, you inevitably find needs, pleas, and most notably, me. Rarely will I let one in by choice though. “It feels too weak, or isn’t worthy of your time. When you ask if you can pray for me, I’ll go on to convince you to focus elsewhere…God has to handle everyone else’s problems, right? (Plus inner dialogue of, “What would they think if they actually knew what I was thinking)?” In short, in my weakest states, I hide. I hide my thirsts, inabilities and insecurities, thereby protecting myself from ever being truly seen, heard, or known.

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Laying Down our Masks

Posted by Abbie Smith | Comments (0) |

My greatest war is the war against my own heart. I don’t lie because I want to; I lie because I’m not accustomed to spaces I can’t trust. I don’t cheat because I dislike my current state; I cheat because I dislike myself. I don’t steal because I need something; I steal because I don’t know what I have. I don’t kill because I hate them; I kill because I hate me. I like to be polished on the outside and lend no hint of needing help. On the rare occasions of one too many Merlots, or a trustworthy late-night chat, you might barrow my flimsy walls. And once there, you inevitably find needs, pleas, and most notably, me. Rarely will I let one in by choice though. “It feels too weak, or isn’t worthy of your time. When you ask if you can pray for me, I’ll go on to convince you to focus elsewhere…God has to handle everyone else’s problems, right? (Plus inner dialogue of, “What would they think if they actually knew what I was thinking)?” In short, in my weakest states, I hide. I hide my thirsts, inabilities and insecurities, thereby protecting myself from ever being truly seen, heard, or known.

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Views of Spiritual Formation: Becoming Healthy

Posted by Matthew R Green | Comments (0) |

If God created the universe in a particular fashion, and if sin has marred what He has created, then humanity is no longer in its proper form.  We're distorted, not what we're supposed to be.  Part of spiritual formation, then, is an attempt to return to that original state, to find our way back, or better, be led back, to what we were made to be.

With the rise of psychological thought, the language of psychological or emotional health has made its way into our conversations.  We occasionally talk about making healthy choices or being emotionally unhealthy.  There is an implied desire (and why shouldn't there be?) to move towards health.  I believe that this move towards health is a move towards our original design.  To be unhealthy is a way of not being what we're supposed to be, and what we are supposed to be is therefore healthy.

And I think this may transcend categorization.  There is psychological or emotional or mental health.  There is also physical health.  There is surely spiritual health as well.  If part of our being is psychological, another part physical, another part spiritual, etc., then the redemption of all of these parts is a movement towards positive spiritual formation.  To be spiritually formed is to be restored towards an ideal state in all its facets, to become healthier.  Conversely, if we are becoming healthier in any of these facets, then we are being spiritual formed; it is part of spiritual formation. 

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Doubting Restoration

Posted by Abbie Smith | Comments (0) |

Just opened a daily email reflection from Henri Nouwen, sharing on 1 Corinthians 15 and how if the resurrection wasn’t a reality, Jesus is a waste of our time. Restoration, in other words, is a waste of our belief. If the words of God are true, though, it is always His will to restore all things, even in things and scenes and circumstances we cannot understand. It is always in His will to make new, writing restoration into every waking moment of our existence. But I don’t believe this right now. Heartbreak and pain seem far more tangible.

Talked with a friend who’s serving in a remote village with a lifespan of approximately sixteen. Then passed a homeless child and his mother looking cold and fatigued on run-down street-corner. Then thought of the webs of pain, confusion and hurt clinging to family and friends this hour. Then tuned-out, finding more comfort in my overcast window and steam brewing from my tea, than attempting to understand God.

At some point I started emptying my mind onto paper. Unleashed a few phrases, and then seemingly without conscious doing, watched ink stain itself onto the page in the shape of the word “restoration.” My eyes welled-up, unable to connect with such a characteristic of God. Why this word, Lord? I don’t know what it means. I don’t know how it correlates with me, or You, or us this hour.” I don’t know how to believe this aspect of Your Being. Wrote and rewrote the word...until two pages of loose-leaf found themselves covered with questions, anger, desire to believe, but recognition of my disbelief toward this fierce, eleven-letter word.

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Creating environments of love

Posted by Brian Owen | Comments (2) |

In the film Chocolat, a married couple, Serge and Josephine, are falling apart.  Serge beats his wife Josephine, a mousy woman who mutters under her breath and secretly steals from the other residents of their sleepy French village.  Both of them are a wreck and their marrige is a disaster. 

One night, after Serge leaves a brutal mark on her forehead, Josephine flees to Vianne's chocolate shop looking for help.  Desperate to save his reputation, Serge runs to the town mayor for help.  With the help of their rescuers, Serge and Josephine undergo two very different processes of transformation.  The mayor takes Serge through a series of activities, designed to turn him into a gentleman while Vianne opens up her life and her heart to Josephine as she teaches her the secrets of her chocolate shop.  Serge places himself in a procedure designed to transform him from the outside in.  Josephine places herself in the presence of someone who loves her and she changes from the inside out, emerging as a radiant, confident woman. 

This scene from the film is a parable of the church today.  We offer many opportunities for transformation that don't seem to do much when what we really need is to offer wounded men and women a place to be loved in the midst of their brokenness. 

In his book, The Complete Book of Discipleship, Bill Hull acknowledges that "just about everyone agrees that love is life's most powerful force.  However, few people really understand love or have any idea how to create an environment of love."

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Thursday, February 11, 2010 at 12:40 pm

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