This week I received some criticism. As a pastor I realize this is part of the gig. That being said, I discovered this week that my knowing criticism will come has not changed my fearful and defensive reactions to it. Of course, fundamental to my reaction to criticism is my need to please people and be liked. I know, I know, how shocking that a pastor might struggle with such things. Those of us in ministry seem to often be the types who feed off recognition and esteem of others. I may be off base here, but from what I have observed over the years I am not the only pastor that seeks to find his value and self worth in what congregants think of me-think of my preaching, think of my programming, etc.
So, when the criticism marched my way this week I discovered the familiar knee jerk responses I have seen in myself before. However, by God's grace this awareness soon led me to ask much deeper questions than, "how can I protect myself against this one?" The questions was, "what does God have for me in this?" I know somewhere along the road of being a spiritual director I have told a directee that criticism can actually be a gift. It hit me that perhaps the experience this week was just that. God not only opening me to the truth of myself in relationship with Him, but seeking to cultivate in me true humility. The Proverbs regularly talk about the divergent responses given by the wise man and the fool to criticism, rebuke, teaching and correction. What is fundamental to the one who is wise is an understanding that they truly are a creature, they truly are a sinner and they truly are desperately in need of God's grace.